it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
