You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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