I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
