the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
