How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
