So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
