Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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