I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's never too late to be topless.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
