A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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