Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize