I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
