Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
