Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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