apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
