She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The power of my boobs compel you
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
