I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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