im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
