Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
