I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
