If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Are my feet made of real feet?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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