I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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