let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
