All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
