fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
