there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
