there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
