Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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