drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You ruined the universe
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
