Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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