im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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