Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
