a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have feelings that need drinking.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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