Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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