Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
