Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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