Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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