I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
