Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
