Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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