Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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