So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
