I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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