We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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