I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
