Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
