one might say we're banned from that church
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
