someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Randomize
