What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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