I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
