Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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