my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And then my night got REAL pukey
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
