OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
