My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize