We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
