Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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