I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm drive I can fine osifer
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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