I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
