I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
