can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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