this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
