I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
