whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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