Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
