genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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