I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
