He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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