no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
what the fuck happened to the tacos
PANTIES FOUND
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
