So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
