you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i out mim tonsoeep
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