I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
