My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
