Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
