As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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