For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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